March 16, 2004

Weee, it's a rollercoaster ride!

up and down, up and down... that's the rollercoaster ride of my emotions. I have this test tomorrow, and I've jinxed myself with worry and down right lack of belief in myself. I can't even get up the nerve to study, I'm that scared of not knowing the material. I know, it makes no sense, but in Liza's mind it's very sound judgement!
One moment I think- "oh I'm so sharp and intelligent!" and the next it's "I'm so dumb, why am I going to be an SLP if I myself have word retrieval difficulties, am lousy at stupid grammar (which, by the way, I am very sensitive about), and can't articulate a darn thought from my teeny weeny brain?!" Professors scare the crap out of me when they tell me that our clients will expect us to be the best in all domains of language. Well, poohy, I quit!
Last week I received a 5/10 on an assignment that I worked rather hard on, and I thought that I did really well. In my head I thought I would get comments like "how insightful, bring this up in class!" Well, I did get a "bring this up in class" but that was because I was so way off that my professor wanted me to share the confusion with the rest of the class. LOL. In reality, BIG deal, it's just a small assignment but for me it was like this slap in the face telling me "Never, ever be confident in the work you turn in!" And here's the thought process in my head "Oh no, you have no idea how to do these papers, you'll always get an F no matter how hard you try. Fine!! Forget it, I just won't put the effort in!!!" Not the best attitude, I know. But then I think about it and I ask myself, "Liza, are you learning?" Sheepishly, "uh, yeah - BUT it SUCKS to learn this way!" "That's true, but what's important?" "Well, the information is interesting and it does force me to think extremely critically about stuff...but I still don't like it!" "I know, but you can do it!" "Okay, I'll keep trying". So that's where I am tonight. Trying to convince myself that I can do it. And for my students out there, I am really sorry if I've been the giver in a similar situation. Oiy, my head's spinning with all the irony and confusion....

Posted by liza at March 16, 2004 08:03 PM
Comments

What's the class you teach?

Posted by: Nathan at March 16, 2004 08:19 PM

The class is called Communication Disorders in the Media. It's a writing intensive course which involves watching lots of movies, writing lots of response papers about the movies (hopefully students will critique how disorders are being portrayed in various forms of media and why),and finally it involves a project in which the students will research a disorder, write a paper, analyze two media sources that portray the disorder, write another paper, interview two people who are personally involved with the disorder, and (whew) write a final paper that hopefully reflects everything he/she has learned about the disorder. My job involves lots of grading and leading discussions about the movies and supplemental essays that reflect themes which prop up in aforementioned movies. How's that for a nice short answer? Heehee.

Posted by: liza at March 16, 2004 10:44 PM

Good luck on your exam, I have confidence in you and your language skills especially. The way you use language in your blog so delightfully is proof enough to me that you have the power of the WORD.

Posted by: missmartha at March 16, 2004 11:19 PM

woa, if i were to write about what's stressin me that's exactly what i would write. at first iwas like "i think i found my twin." but then i was like "wait, i found my sister." i like your colors! they remind me of something...something that makes me happy inside and waters my mouth all at the same time. hmm...i know! grandpa mitchell's house and napoleon icecream. hehe that make me giggle and now i really want some napoleon icecream!

Posted by: anya at March 17, 2004 04:29 PM

Oh my goodness -you are right, the colors are like napoleon icecream. Aaah, don't you miss grandpa? I wish I could still go with him to see the monkeys in the grocery store - was that a dream or was that real?

Posted by: liza at March 17, 2004 05:05 PM

i think the monkeys were at the zoo. but we did take many walks with grandpa to the grocery store, and he always bought us those big pretzels.

Posted by: krazie at March 17, 2004 05:44 PM

Liza, I'm with you about the monkeys. (Don't listen to Katie and her zoo story. She was only 3.) I think they might've been at the hardware store, though. Then again, that memory's from when I was only 5ish, so maybe it was the grocery store. Too bad the parents don't do much blogging--they would've set us straight by now.

Posted by: Suzanne at March 18, 2004 01:01 AM

hey!

Posted by: krazie at March 18, 2004 09:01 AM

Well, somebody better figure this monkey mystery out and let me know what the real gig is, 'cuz now my curiosity is majorly piqued! Monkeys at a store... are we talking about Naperville here?!?!

Posted by: Heather at March 18, 2004 10:26 AM

what are you talking about suzanne...parents set you guys straight? more like we need grandma to blog to set you guys straight. i remember the big pretzles and on the box of the big pretzles there was a circus scene with monkeys, or do i? hmm..

Posted by: anya at March 18, 2004 04:32 PM

i do...mystery sloved! man, i so should be a detective.

Posted by: anya at March 18, 2004 04:35 PM

Monkey's were printed on pretzel packaging. How is it possible that more than one of you remembers pretzel packaging as going to the grocery store to see monkeys? Maybe I don't know what I'm getting myself into...

Posted by: Nathan at March 18, 2004 07:28 PM

That's it, I'm calling grandma! I do believe there was a real live monkey at the hardware store -that seems right for some reason. And weird...but hey, it WAS the 80's!

Posted by: liza at March 18, 2004 07:59 PM

And our parents try to convince us that the 60s were scary!

Posted by: Heather at March 18, 2004 09:08 PM

Hi Liza, It's Sarah Ingham. Just found your blog. Mine's at www.livejournal.com/users/ismenna

By the way, my friend Elissa always said that we're not airheads, we're more like absent-minded professors. It's like, we've got so much knowledge in our brains, it's hard to find that one piece that we're looking for. Or something. Yeah, I have the same problem, obviously.

Anywho, I spend way too much time online.

Love ya,
Sarah

Posted by: Sarah at March 18, 2004 11:42 PM

why do they call it napolean ice cream?

Posted by: krazie at March 19, 2004 01:50 PM