liza bean

a letter to the landlord

Dear Mr. Landlord,
Could you please turn the water heater back ON? And, could you please get your phone connected again? It's only the end of March, and as you should know by being a midwesterner, warmer weather will not be consistent until possibly mid-May or even early June. The neighbors are banging on my door in the whee hours of the morning requesting that I adjust the heat back to above 55 degrees. They actually think that I am responsible for turning the thermostat down -because supposedly I like to have numb fingers in the middle of the afternoon- and give me weird looks when I say that I only control the thermostat -which is set at 73 degrees at the moment- and it is you, Mr. Landlord, who has turned off the actual water heater. I have to warn you: your cheap tactics may very well lose a couple of very good tenants because there is no way I'm going to be paying more rent next year if we have to be cold during the spring months, and believe me, I will warn people who come to check out the place! Plus, you won't let us have a dog even when the upstair neighbors have one--not fair Mr. Landlord, not fair.
from a disgruntled-but otherwise pleasant- tenant,
Liza (aka Azil) Falconer