liza bean
I have an excellent immune system. That is why when I get sick, I get sick and am often a whiny one about it! I am thoroughly annoyed with my body's lack of energy and the achy, sore feeling in all of my joints. Then there's my head. Ouch, it's so fuzzy and full of fluid I almost wish I could prick it and let my sinuses drain out. Sorry if that's a nasty image. In my slow-to-start mind, it is not. My mouth is drooped open since my nose is so clogged, and I have this constant feeling of needing more air! Or perhaps that is my congested lungs talking. Thank goodness my throat is no longer sore. Because of the lack of soreness (the one thing my multi-system medicine took care of!) I woke up this morning thinking, "oh wow! I've recovered so quickly!", until I actually got up and tried to prepare for the day. Since then, I've called in sick to my placement and have tried to sleep for a few more hours. In a few, I need to drag my body to the speech building in order to hold a long enough class to pass back their exams. I keep finding myself saying, "oh man". Hope this passes soon because the amount of work I need to be doing is overwhelming enough when I'm not under the influence of whatever this is that has plagued the halls of SPSHS. Ha,ha,ha, ha. The benefits of a blog are being able to whine without feeling quite so guilty about it. If you are sick at anytime and need to describe the yuckiness of how you are feeling, feel free to comment on my blog. I understand the need completely! Well, back to my world of just sitting/laying around feeling loopy....
My new goal (and shamefull little secret):
I am addicted to Alias which means I am addicted to the abc's message boards for the show...but I aim to kick the habit (the message board habit, that is). They end up being gossip, gossip, and more gossip. And yuck-u-dy-yuck. My curiousity is way too OVERPOWERING and my little sensitive heart can not handle the who, what, and when conjectures of stars' recent splits and new loves. Blah, blah, blah. And really, shame on Liza for actually buying into the stuff and empowering the lame-butt media who feeds the world such "really, none of our business" news.
So no more! Cold turkey! Removed from my favorites list! DONE.
I will still, however, watch every new episode of the fourth season when it begins in January and am currently looking for some more Alias buddies. Any takers?
A "TALKER"
Wowzers. The kidies were easily distracted today. And if you've ever worked with kids with autism you know that's d-i-s-t-r-a-c-t-e-d to its fullest potential. I got quite a bit of toys shoved in my direction (and a few thrown, for that matter) to let me know that "Miss Liza, I am not at all interested in playing with bubbles or books or anything at all that you’ve got lined up on my PEC chart". PEC is picture exchange communication used to help nonverbal kids learn to communicate through symbols; it's a first step toward learning that highly complex symbolic system known as language. There were, of course, some really great moments. Like when one child used his AAC device to read the book "Brown bear, brown bear..." along with me. Augmentative Assistive Communication device –aka. his talker (see blurry example above). I've never seen such a smile! A couple of days ago I observed this child in kindergarten, and he was able to use his device to answer one of the teacher's questions. That smile, a smile of such pure joy- that's my muse, my purpose, my inspiration. When I get overwhelmed with the whole learning process of becoming someone who can really help these kids, I just need to remember those moments.
The Day I Had Braces, but not really
Today I ran out of stamples. And then I realized, those staples lasted five years. Talk about a good investment!
Considerate, KIND, and Thoughtful:
A Nummy Gift from author of Word
Liz dropped by this evening. She gave me a bar of "The Over-Worked Daughter, Sister, Wife, Aunt, Grad Student's Moositurising Herbal Hand Soap". Kindness does so much to cheer a stressed out Liza. She actually caught stressed out Liza taking some time for herself while playing with newly installed Print Shop Delux-- with Photo Shop. Yipee! And for free!! WHEEEE!!!!
Brent and I eat a lot of rice. A lot of the "easy, won’t get burned" instant rice that isn't the best for you, but is the best we can do at the moment. But our health, that's another story. Recently, I took a trip to the grocery store. (In our household, as our cabinets can testify, going to the grocery store is an event worth talking about, indeedy*!) While I was wandering the aisles and I passed Uncle Ben's plethora of quick-n-easy yummy goodness, I thought to myself, "Hmmm, are we out of rice??". This question comes up every trip, and every trip I always forget to check beforehand. I think there was one time when I decided, hmm I'm sure we have plenty of rice, and went home to find none- hence, the constant dilemma. So every time after that I would come to the inevitable question and would grab a box, just in case. Well this time, I said, NO, we must have rice. What a relief, to look in my cabinet this morning and discover that finally, I wagered correctly. Sure enough, three large boxes of Uncle Ben's instant rice are awaiting consumption.
*A word I did make up. Although I am sure I've heard it before, so I guess I didn't...
Last night I had a little visitor. Okay, not a visitor. A tiny roommate made his presence known, and this time he was not just a blur out of the corner of my eye. Well, actually, several times he was a very fast blur but way TOO many times we stared each other down quite intently. Mr. Mouse- you have a bit of an attitude for one so skittish.
Before I heard the skimper skamper of little mousy's fleeting races along my living room parameter, I was busily transcribing the misarticulated* speech of my frustrated client while taking in the scents of lavender and camomile steaming from candle and tea, respectively. And so it was that I was oddly calm when that flicker of brown caught my eye. That did not last too long.
I can honestly say that I did not freak out. Rather, I got very very annoyed. Mr. Mouse- I opened the front door for a reason, you fool. It is true that you are too quick for my "slam the bucket on the ground" technique but do you really want me to take on other measures? I considered the
"sweep away mousy into the street" move, or then there is always "bring Misty the outdoor bad-ass cat who is really a boy cat" maneuver but s/he does not travel well. I am not afraid of you, little Mr. Mouse. (I am afraid of little mousy's nasty diseases.) Next time you see that wide open door that leads to the wonderful world of my neighbors' apartments, I suggest you take it. You have been warned.
Aaah, Sunday evenings without my B are always an adventure.
* I assume that if WordPerfect doesn't know the word than other people may think that there I go again, making up words. I am not. This one is an ever popular Speech Path favorite that shows up in nearly every report ever written. How many times can you use "ever" in a sentence??
A short little trip to Best Buy today inspired me to have a little fun with my blog. I was mesmerized by the computer software section. Oh photoshop, printshop, oh 150,000 photo clip arts. I'm tempted. Anyone have suggestions for a good, basic photo program? I'm just looking to do the basics: cropping, tweaking with contrasts, getting rid of red eye....from both scanned and digital photos. I rediscovered my printshop so I'm off to see what fun stuff I may have access to with that!
So Brent has me hooked to this Japanese cartoon called Naruto. It's like Harry Potter but with 12 year old ninjas. And it's so AWESOME, KICK-BUTT, CREATIVE, and FUNNY... I've literally cried, laughed, and jumped up with anger all in the same twenty minute episode. I have particular attachment to this character Sakura; she spends a good half of the first season this whimpy, love crazy, and rather vain character. Needless to say I was rather ticked at the creators for making the main female-character so annoying with lameness while all the boys kicked butt. But then, in the beautiful episode (very nicely titled Sakura Blooms), she breaks out of her fear and becomes kick butt in her own special way. That episode really made me cry.
Sakura is the super genius book-smart ninja who spent a good too many episodes doing absolutely nothing during real life situations. I sorta relate to her. Not saying I'm a genius. Hell-a no. Just saying that what I do well is study what the literature says but when it comes to applying the knowledge I tend to peter out and crawl into a little ball of stress/worry/ohmygoodnessI'mnotgoodenough. But I feel things a-changing. I've been REALLY REALLY enjoying my placement with an SLP who works with kids with autism. So much so that I actually volunteered to go in twice a week. And in the real world, I find the task of applying my knowledge rather exciting. Watch out, I too will bloom.
P.P. And I really wanna be a ninja. I've even gotten into the habit of jumping up and down and throwing fake punches around. Hhhmp. Kinda sounds like a boxer. Well, back to my show.
Oh my goodness- what craziness these last couple of days. I made the mistake of slacking on my free afternoon on Tuesday and was super busy up until now. But what a great mix of craziness it has been, especially when I found a few minutes to continue to slack:
Yesterday, a little girl decided to blow her nose on my face. It was yucky. And rather funny, if it wasn't so yucky.
Last evening, Amia decided to stare/smile/grin/appear puzzled at me longer than she has ever done before, delaying my departure by a good ten minutes. I mean really. How can you leave when you say, "Goodbye Amia" and she looks away from mommy to find that funny squeaky voice and her eyes grow wide when she discovers: "oh it's you! The one that kinda looks like mama but has an odd ball way of trying to comfort me by still trying to bounce. Umm, Aunt Liza, I am way over with the bouncing already. But don't worry, I still find your attempts at making me laugh very fascinating indeed. Could you please do that thing with your lips and that funny sound. Yeah, yeah, that's the one! Hee, hee, hee. See, even when I'm tired I'm quite the social one!"
And then, late last night, I discovered that dooce (from http://www.dooce.com) has been writing up a storm. That made me happy.
Finally, after getting up at 6:30 am, the client whose been making me so BUSY these last few days cancelled. It was odd, in a way, that I actually felt a bit relieved. Man, all that prep work and I don't feel disappointed or frustrated! Proof that I live my life in full throttle anxiety of the UNKNOWN...
Thank you all for your wonderful ideas on how to deal with the terryifying experience I know as TAing. The first session went alright. There were, of course, the yawns in back of the room to let me know just how boring the whole thing was but whatever. I feel I do not have the talent to be the facilitator for this class, nor the inspiration. I find the whole material fascinating and thought-provoking but I don't know how to bring out my inner enthusiasm for the material in a well-articulated fashion. No matter how much I practice, I have a tendency to trail off, forget what I am saying and so forth. And I have all these questions to spur conversation but it never becomes a class discussion. It remains a Q and A session. Any ideas on how to create a more open, fun environment?
Perhaps I will explain what I think the whole point of the class is: it's all about communication disorders and their portrayal in the media. I feel like the class centers around this idea that perhaps society, through its attitudes, discriminatory practices, and so forth, creates disability. That is, that physical and mental impairments exist but it is society that makes such impairments limiting on a person's everyday life functionings. I've always found it so odd that we try to "normalize" everything. I mean, aren't we all unique individuals with our own unique capabilities and capacities? Isn't there harm in trying to put us all in a box of sameness? I would say that harm is know as "criticism". How in the world can 23% of the US population have a disability? Nearly 1/4 of the population is abnormal? And there are all these attidutes associated with disability: how tragic, how sad, what pity is felt. But why is having a lower IQ something so sad? Why? Because having a lower IQ makes life that much harder. And why is that? We don't treat each other very well. Okay, enough of the we. And now I'm not just talking about disabilities anymore. I'm known as nice, right? Well, what makes me really sad is how poorly I treat individuals who are completely different from me. And it's not that I am mean, I just don't make an effort to get to know them. And internally, I get annoyed easily. And maybe I'm just this bad, bad person but really, I think we all do it! Others to a lesser degree, but still I am not ALONE is the subtle meaness of criticism. I guess I believe that this whole idea of disability relates to some pretty big issues of spiritual virtues like patience, compassion, and forgiveness. And it's all of us who are suffering from this super duper critical world in which we live. And I'm really tired of trying to tame the critical beast inside me but one day it won't be so hard. Please understand that I am not a monster disguised as a nice person. And I am not always a beasty beast. But I am sad when I have such thoughts and emotions.
And how in the world can I really express all this to my students? Cause that's the dialogue that's in my head when I think about what "normal" means.
I start TAing again. And I'm in this daze where I can't even imagine getting up there and talking to the students again. I feel frozen in fear with all these expectations. "If I don't do this right, then the whole semester will be dreadful" "If I show, at all , the insecurities that I am feeling then they are going to EAT ME ALIVE!" Hmm, wonder where those ideas have stemmed from? I can't even think straight to analyze 'em. Actually, I can't even think. Period. How did I ever do this? Plus, our toilet is clogged and I have to fix it. Really, today is terrifying.